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Attorney Christopher T. Adams

Trusted Attorney Providing Knowledgeable And Dedicated Representation

What happens when you see a divorce lawyer without talking to your spouse first?

On Behalf of | Oct 14, 2020 | Divorce

There may come a point in your marriage when you realize that it’s not working. You’ve tried everything but have yet to get your relationship back on track. This could lead you to consider divorce.

Once you come to the conclusion that divorce is the best answer to your marital problems, you have one of two options:

  • Share your feelings with your spouse
  • Consult with a divorce lawyer before talking to your spouse

Yes, telling your spouse that you want a divorce is difficult, but it’s best to do this before consulting with a lawyer. Neglecting to do so can result in a variety of complications, including the following:

  • Sense of betrayal: Your spouse expects you to talk to them first about your decision to divorce. Even if you don’t feel like you can do so, it’s best to at least lay the groundwork for what’s to come.
  • No chance to work it out: While you may be on board with the idea of divorcing, your spouse may want to work through things, such as by attending counseling or therapy. When you first consult with a divorce lawyer, you minimize this opportunity to a certain degree.
  • They think you’re trying to get a jump start on the divorce process: This is perhaps the biggest concern. When you see a lawyer before your spouse even knows that you want to divorce, they may assume that you did so in an attempt to get ahead of the curve. This can cause them to have concerns about things such as child custody, property and debt division, visitation rights, child support, and spousal support.

There’s no denying the fact that it makes sense to consult with a lawyer should you want to begin the divorce process.


However, before you do so, take the time to discuss your intentions with your spouse. It’s a difficult conversation that can head down many paths, but it’s necessary. If you neglect to tell your spouse, you’re setting yourself up for additional stress and complications. And that’s not what you need during this challenging time in your life.


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